OFF THE RECORD
A few short conversations for successful lawyers wondering what comes after success
Over the past few weeks, I've been writing to lawyers about something I've wrestled with for much of my own life:
What happens when you've achieved the success you worked so hard for—and discover it hasn't made being you feel the way you thought it would?
A surprising number of people have been paying attention.
So rather than send you another assessment, PDF, exercise or piece of advice, I thought I'd do something different.
I'm recording five short videos about things I've learned—mostly the hard way—about success, satisfaction, identity, and figuring out what comes next.
No program. No homework.
Just some things I wish more successful people talked about honestly.
What would you do with more "runway?"
I got extraordinarily lucky.
What appeared to be a malignant tumor turned out to be benign. I walked away feeling as though I'd been handed a new lease on life—and knowing that someday life wouldn't be shooting blanks.
I'd rather neither of us wait for something traumatic to remind us that our time matters.
If something in this conversation hit home, sit with it.
And if there's something you've been waiting to do, change, stop, begin—or finally take seriously—maybe don't wait quite so long
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COMING NEXT...
I don't know exactly where the next conversation will go yet.
That's partly the point of Off the Record. I'm going to keep following the questions that seem worth asking—the ones successful people don't always give themselves enough time or permission to think about.
If there's a question you'd like to see me take on in one of these conversations, send it my way. I may make it the subject of an upcoming video.
The next one will be here soon.
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Something here hit home?
You don't need to fill anything out or figure out what you want from me.
If one of these conversations has you thinking about your career, your life, or what comes next, send me a note.
Tell me what's on your mind. Ask me a question. Or just tell me where you're stuck.
Email me at dave@davegold.com
I'll read it, and I'll respond personally.
That's it.
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Years ago, a young man said something to me I've never forgotten:
“I don't taste the experience of my own life.”
That's the question underneath this video.
The voices, doubts and anxieties may never disappear. Mine haven't. But when your life is feeding you—when there's joy, meaning, connection and something that genuinely enlivens you—they become ants at the picnic instead of the picnic itself.
So I'm suggesting an experiment.
Make a few choices toward what you love rather than what you think you're supposed to do.
Nothing dramatic. Don't quit your job or move to Bali.
Just notice what feeds you. Choose a little more of it. See what happens.
You can always go back.
But you may discover, as I did, that once you begin to taste the experience of your own life, it's awfully hard to settle for tasteless again.
COMING NEXT...
I'm going to keep following these questions wherever they lead.
If there's something about your career, your life, success—or what comes next—that you'd like me to take on, send me the question. It may become the next Off the Record conversation.
The next one will be here soon.
VIDEO ONE
The Day I Realized Success Wasn't Going to Fix It
In 1974, after my first year of law school, I spent five days alone in a pup tent in West Virginia.
Somewhere around day four, I realized something that has shaped the rest of my life:
If I couldn't be at home with myself when there was nothing outside of me to provide the experience, no amount of success out there was ever going to fix what was happening in here.
It didn't make me less ambitious.
It just taught me to stop asking success to give me something it was never designed to provide.
That's where this series begins.
[WATCH VIDEO — 5 MINUTES]
VIDEO TWO
When Exactly Does Your Life Begin?
Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote that too many people die with their music still inside them because they're always getting ready to live.
I spent a lot of my life doing exactly that.
Then, in my 30s, a doctor told me I had only months to live.
What would you do with more "runway?"
I got extraordinarily lucky.
What appeared to be a malignant tumor turned out to be benign. I walked away feeling as though I'd been handed a new lease on life—and knowing that someday life wouldn't be shooting blanks.
I'd rather neither of us wait for something traumatic to remind us that our time matters.
If something in this conversation hit home, sit with it.
And if there's something you've been waiting to do, change, stop, begin—or finally take seriously—maybe don't wait quite so long.
NEXT CONVERSATION
But deciding to live now raises another question:
What does it actually mean to feel alive in your own life?
Years ago, a young man gave me an answer I've never forgotten. He said:
“I don't taste the experience of my own life.”
Those words have stayed with me for decades.
Because maybe the goal isn't to finally silence all the voices in our heads.
Maybe it's to build a life that's alive enough that the voices don't matter quite so much.
VIDEO THREE
Do You Taste the Experience of Your Own Life?
What if, instead of trying to fix yourself, you ran a different experiment?
RUN THE EXPERIMENT
I'm not suggesting you blow up your life.
I'm suggesting something much smaller.
For a little while, notice what genuinely enlivens you—what feeds your soul, what brings you joy, what makes you feel more fully alive.
Then make a few choices in that direction.
Not because you should. Not because it's sensible. Not because someone expects it of you.
Because you love it.
See what happens.
You can always go back.
But my experience is that once you begin to taste the experience of your own life, it's awfully hard to settle for tasteless again.
COMING NEXT...
I'm going to keep following these questions wherever they lead.
If there's something about your career, your life, success—or what comes next—that you'd like me to take on, send me the question. It may become the next Off the Record conversation.
Email me: dave@davegold.com
The next one will be here soon.
NEXT CONVERSATION
Choosing what makes you feel alive sounds simple.
Until you hear the voice in your head.
The one that tells you what you should have done. What you screwed up. What you should have known. Why you ought to be better than you are by now.
Lawyers are particularly good at this.
And most of us have a pretty convincing explanation for why it's necessary.
What if it isn't?
VIDEO FOUR
Being Hard on Yourself Doesn't Make You Better
It just makes your life harder.
[WATCH VIDEO — 3 MINUTES]
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JUDGMENT ISN'T DISCERNMENT
I'm not suggesting that you stop examining yourself.
Or that mistakes don't matter.
Or that you shouldn't learn from them.
I'm suggesting that beating the shit out of yourself and learning from yourself are two entirely different things.
Judgment says:
There's something wrong with me.
Discernment says:
That didn't work. What would I choose differently next time?
One diminishes you.
The other gives you somewhere to go.
You don't have to become less demanding of yourself.
You can become more discerning—and less cruel.
COMING NEXT...
There's one more conversation in this original series.
I'm not entirely sure yet what I want to say.
And that seems appropriate.
Because if these conversations are really about what comes after success, maybe the last one shouldn't come from something I think you need to hear.
Maybe it should come from something you want to ask.
What's the question you've been carrying around about your career, your life, success—or what comes next?
Send it to me.
I'll choose one—or maybe several—and that's where we'll go next.